Forbes
5 Productive Ways To Respond To Rejection
By: Frances Bridges
Experiencing rejection, personally and professionally is inevitable—but it can be devastating when not processed productively. Ultimately, how rejection is addressed determines resilience and success, but cheerfully handling disappointment isn’t always easy, especially in the face of a great deal of rejection. So what are the best ways to handle rejection? Below are five productive ways to respond to rejection:
Think About It This Way: It’s Not You, It’s Not Them, It’s You Two Together
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant wrote about bouncing back from rejection in the New York Times, and one of the points he makes is to better handle rejection, do not blame yourself or the employer, consider that the two of together did not work. He writes, “Rejection often happens because of a lack of fit in the relationship: Your values were a mismatch for that interviewer, your skills didn’t quite suit that job, your ratty conference T-shirts failed to overlap with the taste of your decreasingly significant other. New research reveals that when people are in the habit of blaming setbacks on relationships instead of only on the individuals involved, they’re less likely to give up — and more motivated to get better.”
Check-In With Yourself
Time magazine writes that if passed over for a job or a promotion, check-in with yourself and see if the job you’re in and aspiring to can fulfill those needs. If not, perhaps it’s time to consider a change. “A job you love can fulfill you in important ways by building self-esteem because you’re enjoying your meaningful work, not to measure your worth based on a job title or something that seemingly checks some box,” the article states. “That, along with practicing positive self-talk and self-compassion (yes, even giving yourself compliments in the mirror,) can change the perception of rejection from a ‘goal-ender’ to a ‘pivot.’”
Revive Your Self-Esteem
O magazine recommends in the aftermath of a rejection to write a list of strengths to replenish self-esteem. For example, after a job rejection, "We might list our strong work ethic, responsibility, reliability, our steep learning curve, etc. Next, choose one of these qualities and write a paragraph or two about the times previous employers saw the value in it, and why another will again in the future,” says Guy Winch, psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts told O magazine. "By writing, we remind ourselves on a deep level that we are, and can be, a valuable employee," Winch says. "Doing this exercise is a way of self-affirming our worth."
Learn From It
Psychology Today writes that mentally strong people attempt to learn from their rejection, and see it from a productive, educational mindset. “Rather than simply tolerate the pain, they turn it into an opportunity for self-growth. And so, with each rejection, they grow stronger and become better.”
Wear People Down With Perseverance
In an interview with The Rumpus, writer Elizabeth Gilbert discussed how she always believed she could write, and how that is how she developed such a confident voice. She went on to say she’s always surprised by people who feel they don’t have a right to do their work, or that they need a permission slip to do their work. Gilbert said,
“I’m always like…f***ing do it! What’s the worst that could happen?! You f***ing fail! Then you do it again and you wear them down and they get sick of rejecting you. And they get tired of seeing your letters and they just give up. They don’t have any choice. So part of it was real confidence, and part of it was fake confidence, and part of it was insecurity. It was a combination of all them.”
